I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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