I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
