i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
