Only a mothe r could love this liver
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're like the curious george of whores
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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