Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
