Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
