2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
