in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Farmville is her only friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
