i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
