You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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