im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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