dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
