this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
