we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come on in and take your pants off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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