Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
