Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your dad touched me again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
