Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
