he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
