Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
