Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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