Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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