well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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