i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
