Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
