im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
