remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
