Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
