Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
