I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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