i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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