I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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