Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
