If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
