i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
