So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
