Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
