I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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