do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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