Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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