I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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