allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
