is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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