Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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