Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
