one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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