A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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