If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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