So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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