in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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