So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
