If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Randomize
