i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
