3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
