Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
