ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
